gosh.i cant believe that i actually cried almost the whole day today.well,practically almost every minute before i went for my organ class.like...i so freakingly cant control the tears in me.what damn shit la please.tsk.i cried because of a person i loved so much,who didnt know whether he still loved me or not.okay.i know that im not supposed to be thinking about this thing.but i just cant help it,keeping everything in me.i wanna let it all out.and forget about it later.sighs.when i first when online in the morning just now,my nick was like "the truth is;you dont love me".like..i actually didnt mean what i wrote la.sighs.i was so not in the right frame of mind.like...ya.serious. i was thinking about how badly i could have done for my lit paper.sighsighsigh.i cant help it.but i think that i really hurt that person's feelings.yes.it really did.and so when i asked person whether person still loved me,person said that person didnt know.person had a mixture of feelings towards me.like...tsk.then i started crying.sighs.yes.i really did.i promised to myself that i wont be bothering person anymore.i didnt wanna do anything wrong that could hurt person again.it would end up crappily,like how it ended now.sighs.i just really shouldnt have wrote that as my nick.sighs.and also,i cant believe that im actually starting to think about slashing.damn it la.but i dont think i will.yes.of course i wont.i promised to person.i know,though person dont know person's feelings towards me for the time now,i still keep my promise.i know that i wont be able to live without guilt.like...yes.im feeling guilty over many things nowl.especially over the incident that i just talked about.sighs.
whenever i look at my phone,i would start crying.whenever i look at my wrist,i would start crying.whenever im not busy doing something,i would start crying.gosh.it made such a great impact on me.if only everything didnt turn out the way it did,i wont be worrying so much anymore.sighs.
i shall be strong and overcome all my challenges on my own,without person.

hell